I could call that r, but I'm afraid to, so I won't.—APM
Let's imagine the circle instead of trying to draw it.—APM
The gradient...what? I just said the gradient!—APM
Proceed by the seat of your pants...or whatever you're wearing!—APM
In just shutting your eyes and following fundamental theorem of calculus, we are led into a grievous error.—APM
Write it in terms of differentials, so that chemists and other such people can understand you.—APM
The integral of wah blah wah wah blah...—APM
If it makes you more comfortable to write λ=t, y=1−t2, well, get over it!—APM
So the answer—what?!—APM
I'll have enough time before −3 minutes at the end of the lecture.—APM
If I wish to be extremely pompous, and of course I do...—APM
Put this in your notes. I don't want to write it on the board—I got no room!—APM
Whoops! We have a collision of equations here!—APM
By the 18.02 chain rule, not by the piddley one you learned in 18.01.—APM
If you give it to a particular chemist, and by chemist I mean a particular branch of MIT, probably all of MIT except the math department, they'd say, "What? There's no proof there!"—APM
The process by which you got from here to here is highly shady.—APM
And the answer is...no...but for all intents and purposes, yes.—APM
And the answer is...it's already on the board.—APM
It's TRIVIAL.—APM
THIS is a formula.—APM
Given an infinity of paths to choose from...there's a tendency to sit down and despair: "Which path am I supposed to choose?!"—APM
Get over it now!—APM
Mathematicians have one, but it's of no use to the rest of the world.—APM
It's good enough for awhile, till it's not good enough anymore.—APM
I now know the magic value of a.—APM
While the ant is walking around I'm on the inside changing P and Q like mad...there I am changing P and Q, and the ant thinks nothing has happened.—APM
If you've got a hairy line integral around a simple curve, magic things happen.—APM
You know you know, but you're not gonna say because you're afraid the other guys are gonna get you after school...—APM
Of course you get the answer if you're lucky.—APM
I could have made it even hairier, but after a while I decided enough was enough.—APM
Ok...that's unfortunate...no! Because we have Green's theorem to save us!—APM
Put that down in your notes...I don't want to write it down.—APM
I'm in trouble, not deep trouble, just puzzled...which I just experienced.—APM
No one would believe it was true unless it was proved. Unless you accept authority, which you shouldn't.—APM
There's no way of learning that except by brute force.—APM
Of course I should try to confuse you just so you'll get unconfused. No, lets not do that.—APM
I'll do it rapidly and you'll be just as satisfied if not more satisfied.—APM
It's easy to say plus or minus.—APM
After a while it's not so tiny anymore and all bets are off.—APM
Nor has anyone ever proposed to me...—APM
Green's theorem—the one we know and love.—APM
It's an...it's an...it's an abstraction.—APM
Per per per per unit length per second.—APM
What goes in must come out, if the fluid's reasonable like H2O.—APM
M had a name change—APM
Something unknown to all these little ants floating on their little boats is, it's raining.—APM
The RHS represents what God sees from above.—APM
Green's theorem is true. It's us that are false.—APM
Of course it does...erra erra.—APM
I can't position an any at the origin. That'd be the black hole, or the anti-black hole.—APM
In physics they can't calculate any line integrals and wouldn't know how even if they wanted to.—APM
It's exactly what gives the secret guy from above the ability to be pumping in (with a thin, hyperdermic needle).—APM
I don't think that's z=y. It is, because I declared it to be z=y!—APM
An equation like nothing I've ever seen before, but...courage!—APM
The evil song and dance of limits.—APM
That's not a bad integral. That's a good integral.—APM
Which piece of cantaloupe would you rather have? This one! Unless you don't like cantaloupe...—APM
I keep integrating until I get to this magic moment!—APM
Which θs do I want? Which ψs do I want?—APM
Life can only get better after this.—APM
All theorems have three names. A French name, a German name, and a Russian name—each nationality having claimed to discover it first. Once in a while there's an English name, too, but it's always Newton.—APM
If an any could visit every part and never find anything peculiar...—APM
None of these are any good. All of your suggestions are terrible.—APM
It's one, masquerading as δz/δz!—APM
If an ant would fall off, then it's not a closed surface.—APM
Someday you have to grow up and use the same variable for something, well...today is that day.—APM
You didn't tell me. That's your answer to me, not my answer.—APM
Nonetheless, it's useful despite being your favorite topic.—APM [Regarding the independent chain rule]
That long song and dance about Jacobians.—APM
It's better to keep it out and hope for good things.—APM
Half the time it must be pointing up, half the time it must be pointing down. Except when it's sideways.—APM
I know you would fall off a cube but the ant wouldn't fall off the cube and the question is whether the any would fall off the cube.—APM
N. N is an integer.—APM
I checked a few engineering books and they're full of it!—APM
What you can say is, I've done an experiment which disproves (the fact that heat flows from hot to cold). But everyone will think you're a crack pot.—APM
On the other hand, the more I say, the less you'll understand.—APM
If you're upset just pretend you're in some foreign country where they write zs as xs.—APM
Stuff is the same as thing.—APM
One only understands things the 2nd time around, which is why you have to keep taking mathematics, so you understand what you did before.—APM
So never stop taking mathematics.—APM
All I have to do is change the E to F which just involves erasing the bottom line.—APM
That's not right. Well, it is right except it isn't quite...—APM
Now we're up to today.—APM
Ugliness supersedes all rules of grammar.—APM
I stood on my head telling you to never substitute into that formula.—APM
If you want to be babyish you can put it in the notes but I'm not gonna write it and subject myself to shame.—APM
My apologies, so let me ruin your notes.—APM
I propose to do things entirely in your heads.—APM
If you want to look smart in recitation with a vein of hope of boosting your grade a point or two...—APM
There being no such thing, I can make it anything I like.—APM
Come on! It's my only visual aid all term! It's gotta work!—APM
Maybe little babies on the Internet do this.—APM
The reason it is not zero is because it makes no sense.—APM
You'll see this term in your book, if you've read the book. Don't comment.—APM
When you write a book you're not allowed to wave hands too much, but you don't even have hands to wave—you have to wave pages.—APM
It's clear, well...it's not that clear but it's clear to me.—APM
You could put those together as one superconstant but there'd be no advantage.—APM
Your professor is pleased!—APM
-ix is a general suffix, as in suffix.—APM
Lets be pompous and put a proof.—APM
The computer method is grossly inefficient.—APM
...boats that are smuggling drugs.—APM
However, for the enrichment of your vocabulary...—APM
Every differential equation has an uncountable amount of integrating factors. It's usually impossible to find any of them.—APM
They make the fatal fatal error of differentiating this equation the way it stands.—APM
If you don't know anything, that's good.—APM
Grown-up terminology: mvah, bah!—APM
Your powers of generalization will get you as far as you want.—APM
It's the wrong answer anyway. What's the point of having three decimal places?—APM
Achoo!&mdashAudience member
Excuse me...uh, excuse you!—APM
A slope is supposed to be a number so when it approaches infinity it gets upset.—APM
Numerical calculations of an
ODE was a job that took all summer.—APM#1, #2, #3, #4, #5 in that order.—APM
You are under fake moral obligation to solve.—APM
We don't bother with details from everyday life in here.—APM
That is the one solution that separated the upward-going sheep from the downward-going goats.—APM
Mathematics is the art of accurate reasoning on inaccurately-drawn figures...let that be our motto.—APM
This is a box. They always call it a...you know, a box!—APM
A good spring—not the bad kind.—APM
You can solve pairs of simultaneous linear equations, except when you can't.—APM
Since you did me the honor of coming here after what I'm sure was a grueling 8.02 exam, let me return the favor.—APM
That's the way they look—start out bravely and then die away.—APM
I could gloss over this point but I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I did.—APM
A little overkill doesn't hurt much.—APM
Now we have a genuine, good, bonafide equation.—APM
It's like one of those annoying crossword puzzles.—APM
Now where am I? Damn! I haven't made any progress!—APM
Who would have thought it? I did! I knew it all along! Ha!—APM
dx dx dx—APM
My galloping senility—APM
ii...it's the most perfectly imaginary number you can imagine.—APM
Put that in your notes! It's privileged information since you came to lecture.—APM
I'm wondering why I didn't ask you to do it for homework, but I'm getting soft.—APM
Solutions die as time goes on as opposed to living things which thrive and multiply and are fruitful and all that...—APM
On matlab, you'll believe it when you see it. Or no, you won't, but it's the best I can do.—APM
In the end, the dying exponential takes over and flops down listlessly to zero.—APM
Complete in 29 words or less, and send in with two box tops or a reasonable facsimile.—APM
Your exam will be reasonable, but I've said that before and turned out to be lying.—APM
[after reading Hale Bradt's 8.02 notes on the board from the previous lecture] Gotta stay one step ahead of you-know-who!—APM
This isn't gonna be a long song and dance...it's only gonna be about five minutes worth of song and dance, but I'm still gonna call it theory.—APM
They form a magic little charm circle that you can never get out of no matter how much you differentiate.—APM
Bad means not special.—APM
Some function of...er...daah!—APM
Again, the grammar defeats me entirely.—APM
You differentiate tan and get sin again, with a sign in front, or a funny little negative thing...—APM
It's important to learn to do calculations in a systematic way. I don't know. I can't finish the sentence!—APM
Armed with these two formulas you can do any problem!—APM
I now have to decomplexify...ugh! That's not a word...except within these hallowed walls!—APM
I'm doing it so that you'll learn them. So when you don't learn them at least you'll know that you're doing something wrong.—APM
That's gonna be a two cup of coffee problem.—APM
I'll complexify it this way...heh heh! And make it simpler.—APM
This is the second magic formula that will enable us to do anything.—APM
I have to prove it because nobody would believe a formula like that.—APM
Argh! This is absurd! Two mistakes in two inches!—APM
My mathematical conscience, since I've spent so much time writing pseudo-physics on the board, won't let me just write the formula.—APM
The Germans 100 years ago wrote the best text books...They were experts of pedagogy.—APM
I don't make a fetish of induction. I'm not knocking it.—APM
Motivation in the middle of the period!!—APM
You write in the word equation. I want to use as little chalk as possible.—APM
When I was a fraternity boy I had to memorize the Greek alphabet forwards and backwards. I reject that part of my existence.—APM
Of course, you have to apply the operator to both sides to preserve the peace and quiet.—APM
They're annihilated by the derivative operator!—APM
There is a theorem now which has to be invoked...I now invoke the theorem.—APM
Put this in your notes! And the second reason is...even if it weren't it would still be okay because...okay. There is no second reason.—APM
I'll be able to get it all in if I talk twice as fast as I am now.—APM
This is where the book and I part company.—APM
We're now going to calculate the 2nd log polynomial...grr! Remember, you saw it here first!—APM
To give the devil his due, he was a nice man, actually.—APM
There is no advantage, okay, stop me from saying this, but there is no advantage in copying, copying, copying.—APM
Times doddle-y. Or was that diddle-y?—APM
I'll let you out early...you know, as soon as you stop liking culture.—APM
This is my way, and it's going to be your way also.—APM
Why? Because if you don't, you'd better!—APM
Computers get the wrong answer, only people can get the right answer. That is why you are. Computers will always get the wrong answer to that.—APM
Zero is always less than one!—APM
If I just inspired two of you to learn it, that would be double the number that would normally know it.—APM
We've been away from differential equations too long. My God! Half an hour and I'm getting withdrawal symptoms!—APM
6/20? Crazy number!—APM
Fair answer, but the wrong one.—APM
In practice, there's no difficulty with that except sometimes when there is difficulty.—APM
The other terms are negligible compared to them, no matter how big they think they are!—APM
By abusive language, as the French say, infinity!—APM
You must always skip a step.—APM
I apologize for you that are theoreticians and know everything.—APM
If it converges when x=0, that is NOT considered exciting.—APM
Since I'm lecturing, I can get away with anything!—APM
You're at MIT...by definition, you can do that yourself.—APM
I can either be a good boy or a bad boy with this calculation.—APM
It's the variable lurking in the wings, waiting to come out and be the answer.—APM
Calculagate...calculate...—APM
Translation: blah blah blah blah limit limit blah blah blah blah.—APM
And n(n–1)...ha ha, stop! Aah!—APM
You put it all on one line at the cost of double the parentheses and triple the difficulty.—APM
Now, lets be a differential equations course.—APM
Watch this! It's real cute.—APM
Crazy, definite, improper...—APM
You agreed to let me be sloppy. Or I agreed that you would agree to let me be sloppy.—APM
Awww...sh...I don't want to baby you...even if you don't know what I'm doing, at least you'll feel like you're being treated like an adult.—APM
I'm pulling myself up by my own bootstraps. What are bootstraps anyhow? ...something you pull yourself up by...I don't know!—APM
We're on a desert island, we've got nothing to do. We wonder what the Laplace transform is. That ought to keep us occupied for 10 years at least!—APM
I can't explain why I'm doing what I'm doing, but it's really the thing to do!—APM
I'll write it down in little letters here that the back row won't be able to read, just to penalize them for sitting there.—APM
This is pattern recognition here...make your own pattern!—APM
Use any number. p you could use, if you were foolish!—APM
This guy doesn't go so fast that the other guy can't kill him in the race to infinity.—APM
(s2−1)y = s + 1/(s+1) = ...diddly stuff.—APM
Weird!—APM
Where shall I write? Where shall I write! Don't know!—APM
Goddamn! I keep writing t!—APM
We can't take a day off in 18.03. It's a really important subject, unlike others!—APM
This next line is the shakiest thing I will do all term.—APM
Gulp! There isn't going to be room!—APM
Since I forget it, when I do remember it I want to show everyone that I do!—APM
If you can see purple in the back row...if not, you shouldn't be sitting there.—APM
Use the desert island method! You have 20 years to figure out what this is so lets figure out what it is.—APM
Calculate it, all right? Lets do it! Grrrrr...—APM
Mentally psychological psychological mathematics.—APM
It looks horrible, but it's always darkest before the dawn...like any of you have seen dawns!—APM
Is the microphone on? No? Shit! ...I guess it must be on.—APM
If the EE department has another convention...bless them.—APM
It's not dramatic enough. Damn.—APM
Bah! I don't know what I'm doing!—APM
I was thinking of torturing you by calling it t. Well, lets call it t.—APM
How should you have thought of the Laplace Transform all by yourselves and covered yourselves in eternal glory?—APM
Ergonomically insufficient eraser!—APM
Almost all of the rest of the lecture has quotation marks around it meaning that it's not exactly mathematics and I'm not exactly responsible for it. I'm definitely not responsible for it. I'm definitely not responsible for it but you are.—APM
This is good enough to be in colored chalk!—APM
This is our system. Solve ME!—APM
It would be grossly, totally, absolutely wrong!—APM
Your book then goes on to explain how to do this with Laplace Transforms. Heh heh. I am very kind and we're skipping that, too.—APM
Nevermind what I did. Just write it down somehow.—APM
This must be in pink! Where's the pink? Or whatever the color is! It's called color-coding. The ideas in this course will be color-coded for the second half of the course. Since I have a brand-new box of chalk!—APM
It's one thing to watch a point moving. Grroowwerr!—APM
It has a bunch of vectors like this...aah! Stop me!—APM
I don't know if they're the most important. They're the only kind you can solve.—APM
This was the beginning of time. Namely, four weeks ago.—APM
The notes were written because I didn't think the book to be sufficiently intelligible.—APM
Start with this and by brute force follow it through with your nose.—APM
Fill in with curves near those, which are curvy.—APM
Now we're gonna pass the law of conservation of pink!—APM
The origin of which sits there forever, perfect, contemplating its navel.—APM
F = ma? It's always f = ma. No! ma = f! That's Newton's other law!—APM
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Trust me!—APM
Some people need to hear my say it. Nobody likes to read. Even faculty won't read.—APM
Slowly—like moving through Jello.—APM
It's not fair that −2 should have a word but not +2.—APM
Computers have their own set of difficulties.—APM
So it remains, in splendid isolation!—APM
Mathematics is not a science.—APM
Unless you cheat, this is the region D. Ha ha.—APM
I'm just speaking common language, that's all.—APM
If I seem rather indecisive, it's because I am.—APM
You don't often see them. In fact, you do often see them, I've just been careful not to let you see them.—APM
Trust me...well, don't trust me! Do it! Look it up!—APM
I'm not exactly doing your homework for you...I'm just approximately doing your homework for you.—APM
The English is rather tortured, but you know what I mean...—APM
Not all theorems are green worthy! I have to be careful!—APM
Talk faster...no no, talk a lot faster! I can't be this slow, I mean, Hale Bradt would have finished the extended Ampere's law by now!—APM
The even series is the hyperbolic sinh, the odd series is the hyperbolic cosh...these crazy, drunk things!—APM
In a certain deep, but shallow sense...—APM
This is a danger curve! Be careful!—APM
Just relax and sit back and laugh!—APM
I can continue in this merry way...—APM
This'll be the only part of this lecture you'll understand.—APM
You'll understand in a second—not a second. Maybe five minutes.—APM
Now I'll have matrices and I'll lord it over my little sister.—APM
You get the picture, as they say!—APM
Now, all of what I've said is true, but it's misleading.—APM
[In a funny, low voice] As is well known by us in the field...that's to put you down so that you can't complain that you never learned it.—APM
Talking is of equal importance as computing, at least if you read books and papers and write them.—APM
Grahh! Grahh! Grahh! You're not supposed to erase, but once in a while, it's okay.—APM
The solution..."as is well known..." that's so you don't fight back!—APM
This cannot be a simplification. Of course it isn't. You don't have to do any less work...you have to do all the old work and a little bit of new work. It's just a change in language.—APM
Just to mutter for two minutes—oh, I can't mutter for too long...lets mutter at the end of the period, or else I'll mutter next time.—APM
[In singsong voice] You do hear...bah bah bah BUMM!!!—APM
I don't think you'll have any trouble following it, it'll just seem mysterious but that's fine. That's the way mathematics is.—APM
For the rest of this period, t and x are the same letter.—APM
"Ah ha!" he said in Latin! He covered himself in ego and glory.—APM
Here's my function. I'm gonna calculate the thing of...thing means Fourier series.—APM
I know in advance that I won't need it, so heh heh. [Writes "heh heh"]—APM
Oops...I called that An. It was supposed to be Bn...you're adaptable, right? I know you're not adaptable, but be adaptable.—APM
Your middle ear is a spiral filled with fluid. A sort of pink fluid.—APM
[Regarding the final exam] It won't be to pick your favorite differential equation and explain how it changed your life.—APM
Aah...sigh sigh sigh...—APM